I’m loving this song right now, I discovered it in the “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1 Soundtrack” I downloaded from iTunes.
It’s just so beautiful.
Being away from home living and working in another country in a controlled environment has it’s many pro’s and con’s. It’s been three months since I left and I still have six months to go before I come back.
Here’s a list of some of the things that I miss most about being home at the moment:
★ My Husband
★ Jett, Dylan & Chilli
★ My home and everything in it, especially my new king size bed
★ My car and being able to drive on the left side of the road
★ Cooking in my kitchen with organic fresh foods
★ Listening to my wind chimes during a storm
★ The freedom of choice to come and go as I please
★ My in-laws and their outdoor spa
★ Mum & Dad
It’s been four weeks since I posted last. You honestly lose time over here, and more often that not you don’t even know what day it is. If I didn’t wear my watch I’d seldom even know what day of the week it actually was. But that’s deployed life for you.
I’m sure by now you’ve all seen the news about the three soldiers killed over here. Let me tell you, being here compared to back home watching it from the comfort of my couch is a whole other experience. It really hits home hard, and although I didn’t know them personally, it doesn’t change the fact that I feel for their families.
So what’s been happening?
Being deployed although surrounded by people all day every day is also very lonely. At first I didn’t like this aspect of it but I’m turning learning to live with it as you do. I have some recommended self-help books here with me that I’m reading. Everyone needs help in some aspect or another in their life and I have no problem admitting that. You can learn a lot about yourself if you’re open to it.
I’ve also been training pretty solidly since arriving here fourteen weeks ago. But a trap that’s easily fallen into is training seven days a week, week in week out. When you don’t have weekends like we don’t and with limited things to do outside of working hours, the gym can become like a second home for some. But sooner or later you need to listen to your body and take a break to get that little bit more sleep to continue on and that’s what I’ve done this week just gone. Sunday I’m back into it though. I’m still really enjoying my new training program designed by Eric Cressey. But I’ll come back and post about that another day.
Our flights are booked to NYC. Next is to book our accommodation, buy necessary travel insurance and then organise visas. We’re arriving there in early Spring. It’s my favourite season of the year so I’m excited about that aspect. It’ll still be cold, but I don’t care. I’ll be reunited with my husband after nine months of separation in NYC. What more could a girl want out of life.
On the shopping front, I’ve purchased myself two pairs of Jimmy Choos. There’s nowhere to wear them over here so they’re packed away in my trunk just waiting to go home and be worn which let me tell you, I can’t wait for. Below are exactly what I bought.
It’s 2126h over here which means it’s 0326h back home in Brisbane. I have to go back to work again soon so I’ll sign off for today. Hopefully it won’t be as long next time between posts.
There are certain moments in life that stay with you forever.
Today I triggered a memory that’s never left me, one that’ll stay with me that I’ll never forget for as long as I live.
Mum & I were staying at the Peter McCallum Hospital Apartments in Melbourne. Mum was booked in for chemotherapy for the week and we were back in the apartment after a very long day of treatment. Little by little her hair bad been falling out as expected. It was the one thing that upset her the most, especially as a woman. It was also a very obvious indication that you were a cancer patient which couldn’t be avoided when out in public. The looks. The stares. She couldn’t bare it.
So Mum had asked me what I thought about what to do with her hair, I told her that it was her decision and I’d support whatever she decided. “Cut it” she said. And so she sat down directly in front of the chair I was sitting in on the floor and handed me her scissors and comb. So I began to cut what was left of her hair before the last of it fell out, which wasn’t too far away.
Mum winced a couple of times, my heart sinking into my chest. He scalp was sore, really sore. I didn’t know that. It made it difficult for me to touch her hair to cut, especially as I knew it was hurting her. All I could think of at the time was that she was suffering enough and here I was inflicting more pain on her, it wasn’t right. But I had to do it, for her, even though I knew how she would react afterwards. When I was finished she went straight to the bathroom to see for herself. One look in the mirror and she burst into tears. Mum closed the bathroom door and I sat there, listening to her cry her heart out. A little piece of my heart broke away right then and there in that apartment.
No words could capture this moment or the feelings that were felt at the time. No words could even come close to it.
It’s difficult, even now to talk about things like this, and for two reasons. One because it’s still very hard, even to this day. And secondly, because most people don’t want to talk about or hear about cancer and/or death. So it makes talking about it somewhat difficult I guess you could say.
I got a lot of the “but I didn’t know what to say” or the “I didn’t know what to do” comments thrown around so let me share a little something with you. Just because it was my life and happening to me didn’t mean that I knew what to say or do either. I was just as uncomfortable and unfamiliar with what was going on around me.
What I’ve learnt is, it never gets easier. I cringe every time I hear someone say that too me now. My psychologist summed it up perfectly. How does losing a loved one get easier, they’re still dead and gone forever.
I couldn’t agree more. So I’ll never forget, not the good or the not so good memories. Because they’re all I have left of Mum.
