April 2008

so I made the decision yesterday morning to not compete at the 2008 All Female Classic. There were obviously a lot of contributing factors so I sat down with my husband and we wrote up a pro’s and con’s list to ensure we were making the right decision. Unfortunately it was unanimous, to compete at this particular competition wasn’t the right thing to do for me at this point in time so I’m bowing out gracefully.

As you all know, I was already behind in my comp prep and I accepted full responsibility for that because I had no-one to blame but myself for my self-sabotage. (Now ladies, before you start commenting that I’m being to hard on myself I’M NOT! This is my blog and I’m going to have my say, SO PLEASE let me say it without judgement and if you could simply accept and support me through this time irrespective of what you think and feel I would appreciate it, thank you.) Because of this fact I felt I was constantly under the pump with my training and dieting, I felt it’s presence every second of every day all self-imposed of course. I gave it my best shot, but it wasn’t going to be enough to get me in my best possible condition to be competitive. The main reason it boiled down to was my not wanting to go backwards and end up at the very beginning all over again. I’ve spent a year already working with my sports psychologist on creating and living a much healthier lifestyle and I’m not quite equipped enough to get through these toughest of times yet without paying a price and a hefty one at that. I also refuse to step on stage in anything less then my best possible condition and near enough isn’t good enough in my world.

With Mum now living with us and requiring our care it kind of changed everything and it’s a lot harder than I originally though, both physically and psychologically. Also what you didn’t realise was that the week before the competition we would’ve been back in Melbourne for Chemotherapy. This wouldn’t have been an ideal situation when I’m supposed to be focusing on getting myself ready and at that stage of the game I couldn’t afford mistakes. Mum’s health and well being is so much more important than that and now that I’m her full time carer I have to ensure she gets the best possible care from me, not a half hearted effort because I’m to busy training and/or dieting.

So many other things have also been pushed into the back seat which really are equally as important to me. Things like my studies, I haven’t touched them for so long yet I’m so close to finishing. I haven’t been writing my articles or spending anywhere near enough time online in the forum as I would liked. Again there hasn’t been any pressure but they’re things I want to do and I just haven’t been doing them due to my bad time management.

My training, dieting, health and sleep have all been impacted and not in a good way. Like the title says, something had to give. To compete at the all female was the last thing I decided to do so it made sense that it was the first thing to go. I don’t feel great about making this decision, in actual fact I’m wracked with guilt but I know it’s the right thing to do for now.

So I’m bowing out gracefully ladies. I’ll be reverting back to what I’ve done in the past of competing in the ADF Titles on the 22nd September as my first comp for the competition season. This now gives me 21 Weeks to prepare. This time I’m going to get it right!

This week I have a lot of sorting out to do, both in my mind and in my life. I have to sit down and prioritise all my commitments then work out and practice better time management. I’ll keep you up to date with what’s going on but until then thank you once again for listening. )

UPDATE: As my husband so kindly put it: “you may have lost the battle, but you haven’t lost the war”. If taking a step backwards is going to help me move forwards long term then so be it. I want this to be a healthy lifestyle and unfortunately I’m not quite there yet with emotional eating. It’s a short term sacrafice for a long term game, that’s what’s important here.

UPDATE # 2: Skin Folds & Symmetry Photos are up over at LindyOlsen’s Forum for what it’s worth.

At 0325h when my alarm rang, once again I questioned what the hell I was doing getting up in the middle of the night to go to the gym before starting work at 0700h. I either really love my sport or challenging myself or I’m simply stark raving mad. LOL!! Yesterday I flat spinned so today HAS TO be a better day, I won’t accept anything less. So I dragged my sorry self out of bed and got on with my morning routine, as per usual it was just me and the three dogs up. The sad thing is that even they go back to their beds because it’s even to early for them to be up. Am I clinically crazy? So off I drove in the dark of the morning so that I would be in the gym by 0500h. Today’s a big session, legs and abs followed by a session on the treadmill.

I finally got to meet JD, face to face Friday in Sydney. OMG he is huuuuuge, even bigger than I had imagined. I met him at FILEX 2008 then organised to meet him back at his hotel so he could take my skin folds and talk about my competition preparation. Technically I’m still behind schedule for his standards but he believes I have what it takes to make it in the end and to hear that was a huge relief. I’ve posted my results as usual over at LindyOlsen.com Forum. He’s made more changes to both my weights and aerobics and will be making even more this week to my nutrition plan. No two weeks are ever the same and my poor metabolism is constantly guessing what we’re going to throw at it next. LOL!!

So enough of my pity party, today’s a new day and with it comes many blessings. Just know that I’m doing okay and really appreciate all of your comments and emails sent, thanks ladies. What would I do without you. )